Let me be Your Mac....intosh

Song listened to right now: Everlong- Foo Fighters

Mood: Kinda tired (worked all day) but feeling good

Thoughts: I need a new damn computer....

I've come to the bitter and costly conclusion that I want a Mac. The PC i have now just is not making it. At first, I thought macs were more complicated than they were worth (i still don't have the clicking thing down pact). But then a friend of mine, through brute force, made me use one with him in the computer lab and I've been on since then. Plus, you have photoshop, itunes already built in, those things rarely ever get a virus or crash losing all your music, photos, poetry, prose, videos movies and whatever else you entrusted it with over the past year without a moments notice (thats just personally speaking), and they're faster. oh, and they have that funky app where you can see all the windows you have opened at once just by moving the arrow to the corner ( discovered that on my boy's notebook the other night)...I know i sound like an advertisement but I just need a technological change in my life and this would probably be the way to go.

Ladies and Gentleman, may I now present to you......My Swagger?

I am fascinated by this phenom of swagger.... as if it is something new. However, I feel as though the definition of swagger has been changed, but not for the better. As a matter of fact, swagger is a distraction...an idea that it is something tangible, and easily obtained through the material...not something that is felt or develops or resonates around you. Swag is now something associated with rappers, cars, clothes, kicks and money but it is something more than that. Swag is a style, but not one that you can buy at your nearest Urban Outfitters. Its a distinct style that comes from within that people can feel around you. It's a confidence and with confidence you can achieve anything. When I think of swag, I think of cats like Miles Davis. You can always tell a Miles track when it comes on. His manner of playin cannot be reproduced. When he walked on the stage, you knew it was him and you respected it. Not because he was famous. Not because he got his. But because he was Miles, it was his confidence in the way he played and the way he carried himself and everyone could feel it. It was not self- proclaimed (check my swagga niggas). His very presence screamed swagger and it was because if that, he was able to inspire people and gain admirers. Only back then it wasn't called swagger, it was called Cool.
Was he cocky? probably. Human nature.
So this evolution of swagger is irking me. Swag is not something that is turned on or off. There is no swag switch. There is not an app for that. Yes, swagger has varying degrees depending on the environment and your personality, but since swagger is a part of you, its a part of your style, it can't go off. Your swagger is you. And the clothes.....well, they're manifestations of swagger. If you have a distinct style, then the way you present yourself will reflect that. However, the clothes are not what gives you that swagger because it is not given. So all this "i let my car speak for me, my money, cribs, clothes, jewels blah blah blah blah" stuff is bull s***. Speak for yourself. I know plenty of brothers that don't have a thing (yet) and they have the swagger of kings and people notice and are drawn to it. And they did it all without diamonds on their damn chain. ( I know i'm ranting). So, to close out, if you truly have swagger...it needs no introduction cuz the people around you will already know before you even say a word. And for those who think they don't for whatever reason...trust, you do...you just haven't tapped into yet. But as you discover who you are, it will reveal itself to show you it was there all along. ~ Sunshyne

Herstory

**Geeze i'm glad my sister finally went upstairs, i can finally think**

I've been wondering how destiny chooses who makes their mark on the world and who doesn't. What determines whether you reach the masses? well you impact everyone you meet.... yes, i know that and the one person i get a chance to influence everyday does matter to me but what about a nation. For example, those who inspire change, who caused revolution...they had a message, influenced by those before them and the current state of their being. Or even those who just make you say wow. Or even people like Soulja Boy (who is probably the reason why i'm even thinking this over) No matter how utterly ignorant, nonsensical, generic, degrading, destructive and dare i say STUPID his songs are, he unfortunately has caused a movement (when you have NBA players coppin' YOUR style, you've really achieved something). So my question is (to myself and to you) What is your message? I guess a better question would be... if you were given one chance with a stage and a mic, with the entire world in front of you, what would you say? or what would you show them?

Sometimes, in this faltering world of black and white....i want to be the graffiti that f***s it all up and makes people dream in color.... ~ Sunshyne

Somebody HELP ME.....

I'm in desperate need of conversation about my situation. I dont know what to do with the cards life has delt me. I know in my heart it's a good hand i just don't know how to play them so it will lead to my happiness. A friend told me today that she puts her own happiness first cuz at the end of the day she needs her sanity. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. To have your heart pulling you in one direction and logic in the other takes a toll on me. I look at my folks and neither of them are doing what they wanted to do in life. I refuse to be like that. I would like my hypothetical children to look at me a see a woman that is happy and has lived her life in a way that allows for no regrets. SO, does being happy mean making this move???? Leave it all behind and continue a life elsewhere. Or does security and stability in sticking with what i started off going to lead to my happiness? It's between what i should be and what i was meant to be...assuming i was meant to pursue photography. Any advice is welcomed, cuz i cant talk to anyone over here, i already know what they'll say.

Sunny the Photographer????

Taking it back to my first blog, I said that i'm in college pursuing a major i'm unsure of. so, after 4 years in school studying to be a sports therapist, i find myself battling this idea of going back to school, as a undergrad, for another 3 years for PHOTOGRAPHY. WTF is wrong with me? i'm either one extreme or the other. No happy medium. Anywayz, its not that i dont want to be a sports physical therapist ( i love sports, i love injuries, i love people, what could be better?) but nothing beats being behind a camera to me. Its what i love. I haven't really done the photography thing for like 3 years, mainly because my major has consumed me, but now that i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo close to being a professional, soooooooooo close to being the stable person that others want me to be, i wanna do some reckless, risky, whimsical, unpredictable spontaneous and down right crazy and illogical stuff like this......that is so my style.

So recently i've been looking at the the Academy of Art University in San Francisco cuz they have a ill Photo program where you do anything from fashion, journalism or just classic. Idk, but i'm seriously thinking about making this move....leave it to me...

I'll fly away.....

In honor of Valentine's day, my university decided to have a "love day" in our student center. I'm not too big on Valentine's day (diff. blog, diff day) so I'm trying to skate through there as quickly as possible and sure enough this girl spots me out of the 100 other people in the crowd to do this "rate your last relationship" thing at her group's post. I couldn't say no. So I do the whole thing, gave my last relationship a "D" (once again, diff blog diff day) and get to the last part with a bunch of quotes and this one by C.S. Lewis (the Narnia series author) that said:

"If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

I don't know what struck me about this but i immediately had to write it down. I believe he meant it to have a religious meaning, we experience the love of Most High and all things involved within ourselves and its a high this world can't give us. I think that applies to the gifts we have as well. I don't know if writing or any of the things I love to do are a gift but I know when I'm doing them, I feel connected to something greater than myself. Channelling energy from the music, the night, my surroundings and all things spiritual carries me to another world. A world where I can completely let go, think freely and watch myself fly. Its more than just rhyming and taking pictures...there's a strong, spiritual element to my "creative" experience. But that all stems from Him and without the "gifts" that were given to me, I would never be able to experience that. So if the other world C.S. Lewis is talking about is Heaven, then I'm in that other world when the music is flowing, my mind is open, pen or camera in hand, spilling my soul onto a medium that allows me to share that world with you. That's a Heaven the desires of this world can't give me.

...peaceofmind....

... I'm sitting here, there's work to be done and I keep finding my mind traveling somewhere else on the melody of Lauryn Hill's acoustic guitar ( i gotta find peace of mind, i gotta find peace of mind). I feel like my heart is troubled, but I don't know why, so my mind is distracted by her distress. In recent years, my mind has acted as her protector ( but my heart is hard-headed as all hell) and if she's not happy, he isn't either (please come free my mind). In this semi- silence, everything else seems to stand still, the only things moving are my thoughts ( i gotta find peace of mind), consoling my heart, contenting her with his reason, his rationale and all his good intentions. No matter how much they conflict and chaotic the world may be around them (i gotta find peace of mind, i gotta find peace of mine) they have each other to create a certain peace to clam my restlessness....